The clearest sign a team is caught in the Good Trap is that the person at risk doesn't look at risk. They look like your strongest employee — dependable, capable, always saying yes. High performance can hide a great deal of exhaustion, because someone known almost entirely for what they produce can quietly disappear inside the role while still delivering.
You'd recognize someone struggling. Are you sure?
Ask most leaders whether they'd spot someone who's struggling, and I think a lot of them would say yes.
But here's what I've noticed. The people I'm most concerned about usually don't look like they're struggling. They look like your strongest employees.
They're dependable. They're capable. They solve problems. When something important needs to get done, everyone immediately thinks of them. They're the ones described as rock stars, or the glue, or the one who always comes through.
Organizations love these people, and honestly they should. They're often extraordinary.
Extraordinary people can disappear in plain sight.
Not because they stop performing — because they become known almost exclusively for what they produce.
That's the Good Trap at work inside a team. The role gets bigger and bigger, while the person inside the role gets smaller and smaller.
Over the years I've had hundreds of conversations after presentations and workshops. It's almost funny how often they happen once everyone else has left the room. Somebody waits. They look around to make sure no one's listening. And then they say something they've probably been carrying for months.
What they say once the room is empty.
I don't know who I'd be if I stopped doing all this.
I used to love coming to work.
I don't remember the last time I was excited about anything.
I shouldn't complain. I'm just lucky to have this job.
That last one always catches my attention. Not because gratitude is bad — because it's often covering something deeper. Somewhere along the way, they've convinced themselves that appreciating what they have means they no longer get to acknowledge what's become difficult.
Those aren't competing ideas. A person can be deeply grateful for meaningful work and still feel like they've lost themselves inside it. That's a conversation worth having.
From the outside, it looks like commitment.
Leaders often don't hear any of those thoughts. What they see is someone who keeps saying yes. Someone who keeps delivering. Someone who doesn't create problems. Someone everyone depends on.
It looks like commitment. And sometimes it is. And sometimes it's someone who has quietly stopped believing they can say no.
There's a difference — and high performance can hide a surprising amount of exhaustion. Some of the people who worry me most are the ones nobody is worried about, because they're so capable everyone assumes they're fine.
The pattern organizations reward without meaning to.
The dependable employee gets another project. And then another. Success becomes the reason they're asked to carry even more. Eventually that becomes their identity — not the creative thinker, not the mentor, not the person with ideas. The person who always gets it done.
That is a heavy role to carry for a long time. And if nobody ever asks how that person is doing, they quite often stop asking themselves.
I want to be careful here. I'm not saying leaders cause the Good Trap. It isn't only a workplace thing — I've seen it in families, in caregiving, in volunteer organizations, anywhere people begin believing their value comes primarily from what they do for everyone else. So this isn't about blame. It's about awareness.
Change the question.
Once you recognize the pattern, you start seeing different things. Instead of asking who's getting the most done? you start wondering who's carrying the most?
Sometimes that's a much more interesting question. And sometimes the answers surprise you.
STOP ASKING WHO'S GETTING THE MOST DONE.
ASK WHO'S CARRYING THE MOST.
Why the pizza party doesn't work.
This also explains why some well-intentioned solutions don't quite hit the mark. An organization notices people are tired, so they bring in lunch. Or launch a wellness initiative. Or remind everyone about the assistance program.
None of those are bad. They might be exactly right. But if the deeper issue is that people have quietly disconnected from themselves while becoming exceptionally good at the role, a pizza party isn't going to solve it. People don't reconnect with themselves because someone brought pepperoni.
That's not a revolutionary leadership insight. But it might save somebody a catering bill.
Real curiosity, not the performative kind.
What I've seen make the biggest difference is surprisingly simple. Curiosity — real curiosity. Instead of checking in on someone's workload, check in on the person carrying it. Ask questions you don't already know the answer to.
What part of your work has been energizing lately? What's been feeling heavier than usual? If you could change one thing about your role, what would it be?
And then listen. Not to fix. Not to defend. Not to explain why things are the way they are. Just listen. Because something happens when people realize someone genuinely wants to understand their experience — they often find words for something they couldn't quite explain before.
That's why language matters. Once people have language for the Good Trap, they stop assuming they're simply failing to manage stress. They begin recognizing a pattern. And once you can name a pattern, you can start changing it.
A team that looks functional, and feels flat.
Picture an HR leader on a Monday morning, looking at a team that's still producing good work. Deadlines met. Meetings happening. Projects moving. Everything looks functional — but something feels flatter than it used to. Less curiosity. Less initiative. Less energy. Maybe the room is quieter. People doing exactly what's expected, and very little beyond it.
That's when I'd stop asking how to motivate the team. I'd start asking what's made it feel unsafe, or unnecessary, or simply exhausting for people to bring more of themselves to work.
That's a different conversation. And I think it's a much more useful one.
If there's one thing I'd encourage a leader to do this week, it's this. Think about the person everyone depends on — the one who rarely complains, the one who always says yes. Invite them to coffee, or to go for a walk. Close the office door. And ask one question: what's something you wish people understood about your work right now?
Therese Marzouk
Keynote Speaker · Workforce Development Trainer · Writer